Unbroken Glass

It was Harry Potter season, surely not the right time for dating. But Someone phoned me saying I have to get over Harry and go out on shidduchim. It sounded reasonable enough at the time.

He was a very clever guy, I think he was one of the few shidduchim that I have had that I could really talk to, I loved his way of thinking, I used to have conversations with him over the phone till like 3 AM.

Not only that he was clever, he was also very very sweet to me. He use to complain many times that I am very tough and need to soften, I had no idea what he was talking about but I think he just tried to get me to be more girly.
I think its just a problem of those non-israeli boys. They all think we israeli girls are too tough. I think it has something to do with the whole girls-in-the-army-holding-a-gun image. Anyhow, that’s just me, I wont try to change his annoying american accent and he shouldn’t try to change my character, but whatever.
He tried.
The best way to do it with us is just to sweet talk us out of our shells. And boy, he knew how to do that.
He kept saying I shouldn’t worry, he will never hurt me, his only desire is to make me happy and safe, that he feels this relationship cant go on unless I start to open up a bit and show him some TRUST, stuff like that.

So, I figured he is right and all, and I have made an effort to talk, to speak about myself, to really open up, mamesh feelings and all that.
Funny how immidiatly after that he told me its all getting a bit too much for him to handle, its all going too fast etc and he left.
It all comes down to men being losers, but that’s another story.

I should mention now that while we were still going out I asked him whats his favorite movie character. His answer was Superman. I asked him why, so he said that’s because Superman is like a geek in real life, and a super-hero in his hidden life, and the fact that you can show something on the outside and to really be the complete opposite is great. He said he can symphasize with that double-life bit, it took me a while to understand exactly why.

I was sad when it ended, that’s the truth. He was so Okay, and I was getting just tired of dating. I felt like maybe I have done something wrong. It was very hard for me to open up to him, like I’ve said before, I didn’t build any trust for him. And rightly so.

About a week after he dumped me, I remember lying on my bed reading the 4th Harry Potter (when is the 5th coming out for crying out loud?!) when he called me. That was a surprise.
Said that I am BY FAR (quote quote) the most fantastic girl he has ever met, and he is afraid he might have done a mistake yada yada, I let him continue this for a while , it was such a lovely ego-boost and I don’t get that everyday. Finally I got tired of it and told him I need to think. Will call him back in few days. Ciao.

I have thought about it for two days, then I said, hey , why not, worth another shot. So I phoned him back, told him he is buying me ice cream on Friday, and decided not to speak till then. It was Tuesday.

There was something about him that I just couldn’t figure out, and I hate to not figure out things. I remember that on Wednesday’s mincha, I mamesh told Hashem that I am not thinking about this anymore for I am reaching nowhere anyway, and that its all up to him. If there is anything I need to know, make me know it.

On Thursday afternoon I woke up from my sleep (keeps me beautiful) and had like 17 voice messages, so I already knew there was a bomb in Jerusalem. My mom, my dad, my friend, my brother, my other friend, my dad again, and the guy. Asking me to call him back urgently and to leave a message if he is not there. How sweet, I thought to myself. He is worried, he cares.
Nothing like a minor bomb attack to get you to feel all popular again.
I called him back, left him a message saying I am not dead yet and I will see him the next day for my ice cream.

He phoned later that evening.
I asked him whats up and he said
Why are you angry?
Er… I wasn’t.
I told him I am not, I am very glad to hear him actually..(deep voice and everything)
No, you sound angry. He said.
I thought it was kind of odd and still I told him I am really really not.
Then he asked me if I a have a minute. Sure, I said, even two.
He started talking about I don’t know, this girl he was suppose to go out with like months ago, before he met me, he spoke real fast and very incoherent, add to that his american accent, he was just being unclear.
Finally the penny dropped and I understood that he went out with her. Like, today. Like, A DAY BEFORE he is supposed to meet me. Like, 4 FREAKING DAYS after he is begging for me to drop my book and go out with him again after he was a jerk before.
Lovely.
I had to take a minute to digest this new information. I didn’t know what to say, so, to earn some time, I told him, well, I appriciate your honesty, you really didn’t have to tell me that.
And he said “oh Come on, you saw me!”
Ha?
No, hmm, I was sleeping actually.
No, you saw me, you walked right past us!
Apperently, on my way back from college that noon, I walked past birdhead and his date. But I am such a snob I never care to see who is around me.
Only then I realized the whole gravity of the situation.
I thought he was being all sweet and honest, like he cant live with hiding lies and secrets, that he had to confess this, a real superman of moral values.
My fantasy of an honorable man has shettered into tinny bits of reality pieces – He saw me and was certain I have seen him with her, he got freaked, thought I might be upset with him so he left me this hysterical voice message on my cell.
But really, hashem works in funny ways, I came back, went to sleep, and woke up to this.
It wasnt even a soap opera, it was more like a bad editted Turkish Movie.
It had all the right elements : The love, the plot, the drama, the betray, the whinning (all his), the catharsis (all mine).
When he realized that I had realized what is going on he started talking non-sense, trying to get me off the subject. Little superman with his double life.
But I was so tried of him and so anxious to get back to Harry Potter, I told him he is an unbelievable Idiot and to never call me again.
He tried to get me chilled but that was very unlikely to happen, so he tried a different method and just started whinning, telling me again how I am BY FAR (quote!) the most whatever, I had to put an end to it right there and then by using the naughtiest english vocabulary I have in my head and telling him he can take all his BY FARs and to do very not nice things with them. I am not allowd to repeat it in this forum.
Just imagine hearing BY FAR for 10 times in that horrible American accent.
Hint – it’s the R.

I finished this conversation with “Have a wonderful Shabbos and lots of luck in double dating”, and went back to my favorite thing, being in bed with Harry.

He never lets me down.

A small note to my adorable polyamorous friend – shut up.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 21st, 2002 at 2:25 pm and is filed under She. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.