My First Shidduch
Ahhhhh….My first shidduch….
Oh yes, I was once young and tender and had wishes and dreams. The days of inoccence and tenderness, childhood naive smiles and hopes… Yes.
My first.
Funny how dreams and fantasies go shatter on your face like a ton of bricks.
Truly funny. Haha laugh you all.
It was days of new beginnings… I just turned 19, broke off with my boyfriend for the last 3 years and quit smoking.
Indeed an incredible feat.
And then came that marvellous day and I was offered to go out on a shidduch by one of the Rabbis I knew.
I was so excited. A shidduch offered to you, and by a Rabbi no less, MUST mean true love. I seriously couldnt see what could possibly go wrong.
I couldnt eat anything the day of the expected date, I cursed myself for quitting smoking davka now, when cigarettes are just so needed, it took me hours to get dressed and undressed and re-dressed again, and THE GIRLS IN MY FLAT TAUGHT ME HOW TO USE THE MAKE-UP FOR THE FIRST TIME. I’m sorry, just reminiscing a bit here… those were most certainly the days.
I think I actually managed to look pretty that evening.
He came to pick me up. I cant even remember what we spoke about (it *has* been 6 years, give me a break), but however, I do remember how insanely good looking he was. I think I thought everything about him was amazing.
He took me to cool places in Jerusalem, which I barely knew at the time (as a very secular Tel Aviv person I never bothered going ALL THE WAY to Jerusalem, its like, Puh-leeze), so I suppose that everything is amazing when you’ve never seen it before, therefore its all new and exciting and the guy who shows it all to you truly comes off as Mr. Well-Travelled and cool in your rose-tinted glasses.
We went out for three dates, that in retrospect, I can say were extremely boring.
On the third date, when we stopped rediscovering Jerusalem’s authentical sites and actually sat down and talked, I realised this guy had an ego as large as the distance from here to Mombasa and the mental capacity of a pea, so I decided to break it off.
He never called again to hear me say that though. Shame. So I can only assume that he wanted to break it off too.
I didnt mind much. It was just a shidduch. Ha, even then I was becoming the spinster of the parish.
Until this point I think this story is rather the most typical shidduch story ever. I mean it was Three Dates. But no, ho no, I had to face the real world and welcome whats coming next.
The odd thing begins when about a month later this guy started showing up in my work place.
First time he came with flowers. My co-workers were utterly delighted seeing what they assumed was my chatan coming in with a bouquet bigger than his ego. It was rather exhausting trying to explain that he isnt my chatan, that he’s actually, far from it.
And the day after he came again. Before I could say a thing he threw a book (?) on my desk and left.
I opened it and saw a dedication written in it. One word, “To The Woman” (trust me, its one word in Hebrew).
I phoned him 5 minutes later and asked him to come and take it back. His NO and the hang up that came after were very brief.
This guy was simply odd.
A week later he came with candies. Just to bring me candies, he said.
This happened several times, every few days it was a new thing. candies, flowers, presents… rubbish.
He never stayed more than one minute and never said a word. Just gave those and left.
One time I got up to make me coffee and noticed he was sitting and staring at me for I dont know how long. When he saw that I’ve spotted him he just got up and left.
It was all VERY weird, and even slightly terrifying, might I add.
That day I came back from work and, check this, I had a present on my bed. From him. With a note and everything.
Right… at this point I was COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT. This guy was ABSOLUTELY CREEPY.
And how did this thing ever got to be ON MY BED is still a freaking mystery.
I sat down on my bed and tried to calm down, fighting the urge of lighting three cigarettes at once, and I phoned him.
I’m sure it all could have been different, my first shidduch could have been a lot more trivial, but it seems Gd wanted me to be prepared to whats coming. Behold.
I mean, I dont really remember what happened after that, he probably made
up some implausible explanation for how he got the present onto my bed,
and why he was stalking me with magazines and fruit… I really cant remember.
Give me a break. Its not the point of my story.
My story is about all the insane men in the world, and how they all, and I mean all, manage to find their way to me. Sooner or later.
But I mean this was my first shidduch. I guess Hashem was, in His Infinite Wisdom, preparing me.
I guess its good… its been pretty much downhill from there.
December 22nd, 2002 00:47
Is this story dedicated “L’Yuri”?
December 22nd, 2002 01:01
One ring to rule them all… 🙂
December 22nd, 2002 04:09
actually my first set-up wasn’t much better. he was 11 years older than me and asked me what my bra size was on our first (and last) date.
December 22nd, 2002 21:00
“you managed to look pretty”?
my she…you always look pretty. not pretty, you are gorgeous! (and if you knew who said it you will kill me for sure).
December 22nd, 2002 21:09
Er.. Yes, I probably would.
December 23rd, 2002 17:43
The best follow up to a She story is always the Shimra comment. She rules.
Bra sizes are clearly a second date discussion.
December 23rd, 2002 18:36
I agree.
I actually find myself looking forward to read her comments.
December 23rd, 2002 20:01
/me sees a “we love shimra, yes we do, we love shimra, how about you” vibe growing.
December 23rd, 2002 22:57
Ooh gee whiz I have fans??? Don’t worry YU guy I’m sure you’ll get groupies too.
December 24th, 2002 15:11
He might, seeing as he keeps linking me to my
December 24th, 2002 16:40
Perhaps She and ‘Former YU Guy’ should hook up. If it doesnt work out, shimra can move in and pick up the pieces.
December 24th, 2002 16:53
I dont think I should date non-Israelis anymore.
Or men in general.
They do my head in.
*off to play with the bunnies*
December 24th, 2002 17:29
TICK TOCK….TICK TOCK .
WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM I THOUGHT I PUT MY ALARM CLOCK OFF ALREADY.
TICK TOCK ,TICK TOCK ,TICK TOCK.SHUT UP ALREADY.I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE .I NEED TO FIND THAT STUPID CLOCK AND SMASH IT WITH A HUGE HAMMER.
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.YOU LOSE YOU DIDN’T FIND ME IN TIME.HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.PLEASE HELP ME GET RID OFF THIS TERRIBLE TICKING NOISE.I ALSO WANT TO PLAY WITH BUNNIES ALL THE TIME.TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.THATS IT I AM OFF TO FIND THAT CLOCK.
December 24th, 2002 17:52
Oh dear.
I think he finally lost it completely.
December 24th, 2002 20:34
Who is this Yuri freak?
December 24th, 2002 21:37
NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK…………I STILL CAN’T FIND WHERE ALL THIS TICKING IS COMING FROM.SHE MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME PLEASE.I AM GOING CRAZY.IT GETS HARDER AND SOFTER DEPENDING ON WHOS AROUND BUT IT SEEMS TO ALWAYS BE THERE.
TICKTOCKTICKTOCKTICKTOCK………AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN’T STAND IT ANY MORE.HELLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.
OKAY I WILL JUST HAVE TO KEEP SEARCHING.
December 25th, 2002 02:05
I rest my case.
December 25th, 2002 06:31
maybe it’s in your head.
December 25th, 2002 06:41
this guy is weird, clocks in his head…geez.
December 25th, 2002 06:56
[evil]
well, at least we know Yuri’s a guy.
“IT GETS HARDER AND SOFTER DEPENDING ON WHOS AROUND BUT IT SEEMS TO ALWAYS BE THERE.”
[/evil]
lets hope she doesnt kill me.
December 25th, 2002 08:53
I think Yuri simply needs to take some Advil or something, get a nice job at Pizza Hut and calm down a little. I think he spends too much time indoors.
December 25th, 2002 23:57
yuri
hi
what the F@#$% are you talking about!
either you are in a mental home or you SHOULD BE
or maybe you have a broken alarm clock under your bed
at least other peoples comments are relevant
yours just kind of fall onto this site by accident and NOBODY knows what youre talking about
if you have nothing even remotely intelligent to say then why dont you just F#$%^$#@@$$ off
December 26th, 2002 06:48
the comment from a yuri fan was funny.lol. i just came to this site just discovered it i dont get can anyone write a story? welllllllllll anyway weird people on here
December 26th, 2002 09:46
Don’t know if I’m beating a dead horse with this comment, but just wondering if it’s just me, or does Yuri’s comments remind anyone else of Edgar Allen Poe?
I can’t decide if it’s “The Tell Tale Heart”
“And now have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the senses? now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well too. It was the beating of the old man’s heart. It increased my fury as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage.”
or “The Raven”
“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. “‘Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door; Only this, and nothing more.””
December 26th, 2002 09:58
you know I thought the same thing! But I thought Yuri doesn’t seem the literary type. He’s too much of a loser. Btw I love Poe b/c he was this tormented morose depressed suicidal genius. I love suicidal geniuses. Maybe this explains a lot of the wackos I’ve dated.
December 26th, 2002 10:26
The thing I truly dont get, is that I REALLY DONT REMEMBER coming over to Yuri’s house, typing http://www.unbrokenglass.com and then holding his eye lids open wide while making him read the content of this site.
But maybe (now stick with me on this one, its a little crazy) my problem is that I’m trying to figure this guy out by using LOGIC, when CLEARLY he seems to have a slight touch of the neuroses.
December 26th, 2002 20:25
Former YU.. how much research did it take to write that piece?
And personally… in a good sense, I think She and Yuri would make a great match.
December 26th, 2002 20:34
tiiiiiiiccckk tooooooccckkk tiiiiiccckkk toooooccckk
TIIIIIIICCCCCKKK TOOOOOOCCCCKKKKKK
OH SHE!GODDESS OF BEAUTY I AM TOLD THAT ONLY YOU CAN HELP ME.PLEASE HELP ME GET RID OF THIS CONSTANT TICKING.
SHIMRA POE IS SO ORDINARY AND SHOWS A REAL LACK OF DEPTH.THIS IS A MUCH DEEPER THING.MORE LIKE FROM PERCY BYSSHE SHELLY , IF YOU EVEN KNOW WHO THAT IS.”HYMN TO THE SPIRIT OF NATURE” OR “MUSIC”
MUSIC,WHEN SOFT VOICES DIE,VIBRATES IN THE MEMORY,ODOURS,WHEN SWEET VIOLATES SICKEN,LIVE WITHIN THE SENSE THEY QUICKEN.
I HOPE I WROTE IT CORRECTLY FROM MEMORY I THIMK THAT IS HOW IT GOES.
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.YOU MADDENING FOULS WHERE ARE YOU?COME OUT AND DEFEND YOURSELVES YOU COWARDS.SWISH SWASH SWISH SHWASH.”PRO PRATREA ,EX CANDORE CALI NOSTRI EX ALTISIMO MARI”(LATIN FOR YOU WEARY SOLSIUMS.)DITTA DA DITTIT DI DA.I AM OFF ON MY STEAD TO SEARCH THE PLAINS OF AQUARIUS.I WILL FIND YOU .
SHE YOU ARE MY ONLY HELP.IT IS IN YOUR HANDS.
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.
December 26th, 2002 22:41
i am scared.
i am finally scared.
and i hope you all are too.
it appears we are dealing, not with an idiotic guy with too much spare time on his hands (as we all thought) but rather a terrifyingly insane probably drooling mental-home-escaper.
how did he escape for f@#$$ sake??????isnt there supposed to be good security in these places!!!!
anyways
she
somehow i dont think that you and yuri would make a good match
and i hope that one day he reveals what all this seemingly inane (but only to the layman) CRAP is all about
December 26th, 2002 23:22
just wanted to say hye, lots of love
mramat beit shemesh
December 27th, 2002 02:14
Good Lord!
I figured that I would take a quick peek
at what new new stories our friend She has
posted and I find … umm.. {loss for words}.
I hope this dosen’t mean I’m getting drawn in./YS
December 27th, 2002 09:03
but he’s such a SWEET nutcase:)
December 27th, 2002 14:33
Yes, he said I am a GODDESS OF BEAUTY. How about that. Nutter.
December 30th, 2002 16:45
Folks:
I am somewhat alarmed by Yuri’s recent postings. Please let us all tread carefully here. They do sound scary. Nothing funny about them, it would seem to me. Rather, this would appear to be an issue of border lines. Some things can get out of hand, and people can get hurt – sadly enough I have seen it happen before. So I would urge you to stop writing funny responses to anything that comes from his side.
December 31st, 2002 17:19
i agree wholeheartedly.
a very responsible attitude towards the whole messy business.
two thumbs up.
January 2nd, 2003 06:36
“Prophet! said I, Thing of evil, Prophet still if bird or devil”
I rediscovered the site recently and I see the “action” besides the stories.
Hey, hey, hey, guys, do not panic. U were influenced by too many bad American movies. This Yuri guy is certainly a freak but I don’t think he can do any harm. I can imagine him sitting to the computer with his 80’s style haircut, wondering how to pass the day. U can laugh at him, talk to him or ignore him, but don’t panic.
And Yuri – this is an Israeli site (indeed?), we don’t want Shelly, we want Yona Wallach. Ah, and press the ‘caps lock’ key please.
Happy New Year all.
January 2nd, 2003 21:25
who in G-D’S name is Yona Wallach
January 2nd, 2003 21:40
An Israeli poet who was completely messed up by LSD. You should read some of her stuff. (I think I have one of her books somewhere).
January 2nd, 2003 21:51
For the non-hebrew speakers, small google search poped the
Funny to read her in English tough.
January 8th, 2003 23:32
i’m going to skip all that mess – nice bunnies!
dani
January 8th, 2003 23:36
Hehe…yeah I know… Pink fluffy ones no less.
January 12th, 2003 15:29
maybe he was a clock in his former life…
probably not, but i am abit perturbed by yuris great rambling. maybe hes a hidden genius.. although, somehow i think not. i dont know…
anyway, good luck yuri, i have concluded youre in need of it… that, and a very good therapist-like robin williams in good will hunting. i am talking incessantly.
she, youll find him. i promise.
March 9th, 2003 23:50
I’m not sure which are stranger, the dates or the comments.
Do try your best not to despair of all males, most of us have already abandoned hope of finding a decent woman who actually wants a nice guy rather than a handsome but self obsessed sasquatch.
and to the person who said they weren’t going to date non-israeli’s any more, try looking for a person rather than a nationality, it might help.
Mind you, I wouldn’t take my advice as authoritative, i’m 26 and avoiding atarting shidduching until I make aliyah. (Please G-d about 2 months away, I just received notice that my application has been accepted)
And (just because I feel like dispensing twee advice) remember that your Husband/wife is the last person you will ever date.
In the meantime, all those in Jerusalem, I’ll see you for purim. I’ll be the one dressed like Wolverine.
March 10th, 2003 09:11
Um, I said it and I think it had a context, but I can’t seem to remember what it was now.
May 4th, 2003 17:34
why do e/one keep writing these weird comments? how bout we all just keep to ourselves?
May 13th, 2003 20:00
Yuri: Written in Northampton County Asylum
I AM! yet what I am who cares, or knows?
My friends forsake me like a memory lost.
I am the self-consumer of my woes;
They rise and vanish, an oblivious host,
Shadows of life, whose very soul is lost. 5
And yet I am—I live—though I am toss’d
Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dream,
Where there is neither sense of life, nor joys,
But the huge shipwreck of my own esteem 10
And all that ‘s dear. Even those I loved the best
Are strange—nay, they are stranger than the rest.
I long for scenes where man has never trod—
For scenes where woman never smiled or wept—
There to abide with my Creator, God, 15
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Full of high thoughts, unborn. So let me lie,—
The grass below; above, the vaulted sky.
July 9th, 2003 07:23
I think yuri’s a genius. the next einstein. (after me of course)
October 14th, 2003 08:59
discovering this site about an hour ago felt exhilirating. reading this felt like a trip to gehinnom. i’m extremely terrified right now! but i had an idea… maybe Yuri is a former date of yours, She… and he’s stalking you for revenge of publicizing his egotism.